Ask most guys and they’ll tell you: there’s just something about a sexy mom. This isn’t a new concept. Mrs. Robinson may have been a MILF before her time, but she was still a MILF. Hormonal teens have fantasized about their teachers and the mothers of their friends long before Stifler’s or Stacy’s hit pop culture. It’s given new life to aging porn stars. Brought the rise of shows, both real and desperate. Hell, an entire section of Cafe Press is devoted to MILF merch.

I’ve been known to write a few sexy mom themed stories. Moving Mrs. Mitchell and Naughty But Nice are direct examples of the MILF fantasy in erotica, but more often than not, when I’m thinking of a sexy female protagonist, I’ll gravitate toward someone with more maturity than less (Sarah in Leap, Danielle in Rediscovering Danielle). But what is it about the mom I’d like to fuck? What’s that something that most guys are drawn to?

MILFs vs. Cougars

Before I go any further, though, we need to understand that this is a broad term, and there is a wide range of fantasies surrounding it. A MILF isn’t necessarily an “older” woman (depending on how you define older). To me, a woman in her early 30s with a nice body pushing a baby in a stroller is hot. She’s a mom, she’s hot, but she’s not really “older.” She’s still a MILF, though. The fantasies that typically involve this kind of MILF have to do with spoiling the purity of that societal archetype. To think that this seemingly sweet, nurturing woman has a filthy, sexual side.

A cougar, on the other hand, usually does involve an “older” woman (though doesn’t have to). The themes around a cougar fantasy are more predatory: an experienced, older woman hunting the younger, less experienced guys like prey. An age gap is integral to the cougar fantasy, while the more straight-forward MILF fantasy doesn’t nessarily require one.

Not that these two things are mutually exclusive. They’re more like two sides of the same coin. I couldn’t really talk about one without the other; however, I will be mostly talking about the former since that’s what appeals to me more (there’s just something a bit unsettling about a cougar).

The MILF-next-door

The sexy mom is real in a way that a 20-something porn starlet could never be. MILFs can be our neighbors, our coworkers, our wives, or parents of your friends or girlfriends (as immortalized by Fountain’s of Wayne in “Stacy’s Mom”). Kayden Kross may be the embodiment of hardcore perfection on the screen, but she doesn’t live in the house on the corner and stand at the bus stop with her kids every morning. It’s a play on the girl-next-door fantasy.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that we’re reading (and writing) erotica to experience a fantasy. But the more relatable that fantasy is to my real life, the sexier it will be for me. That woman pushing a stroller and looking so good in her yoga pants is something we’ve all seen and fantasized about. What if she had a dirty, sexual side? That’s what the MILF fantasy explores.

It’s a basic whore/Madonna dichotomy. Mothers are typically equated with strong sense of responsibility. Just look at how they’re treated in sitcoms (when was the last time a mom was goofing off while the dad held it together?). So thinking about these morally upstanding characters acting badly is especially hot.

Male-only fantasy?

Hardly. The basic fantasy of hot mothers acting badly (and its cougar cousin of older women pursuing a younger men) may be a chief fantasy for men, but the scenario doesn’t just appeal to them. Anecdotally, I’ve received a number of emails from female readers who have enjoyed my MILF-centric stories—many of them mothers.

New York Magazine published a great article addressing the paradox of the MILF phenomenon in a feminist society (the article, “Of MILF and Men,” is a great read, btw). While authors Em and Lo acknowledge that there’s an element of objectification in the MILF fantasy that should give us pause, there’s also something irresistible about it. After having kids and growing older, it can be very flattering for a woman if a some young stud finds her attractive. They write that “the MILF might just represent a less uptight version of maternity, in which it’s no longer considered selfish or unreasonable to protect that part of your identity that has nothing to do with scraped knees and runny noses.”

In conclusion

For selfish (and probably questionable) reasons, I’m going to applaud this “less uptight version of maternity.” Keep wearing yoga pants and the rebirth of sexuality. Keep defying the bad hair cuts and the unflattering pair of jeans. The world is a better place for it, and I will continue to be inspired to write about it.

Looking for MILF erotica, here are a few of my own titles:

• After School Special: Classic student/hot teacher fantasy
• Moving Mrs. Mitchell: Couple college-age guys help move a sexy, older neighbor into her new apartment
• Naughty But Nice: Doesn’t have the age difference, but it features one sexy mother

Have other recommendations? Share them here.